Mecurio Speaks. Be Afraid.

We are pleased, for the first time ever, to break from our traditional format of mindless rambles about cool bars, restaurants and other happenings in the Ocean State, and to bring you an interview with bona-fide Rhode Island celebrity. Amazingly, in our very first time out, we managed to get our subject to confess deep, embarrassing truths, and otherwise be very entertaining. If his show is half as funny as the responses he emailed me below, I might have to wear diapers to the Comedy Connection. So, without further ado, I give you Paul Mecurio.

Q: I heard you grew up in Providence. Is coming back more happy or traumatic?

A: Both. Happy because I can drive like a maniac and give people the finger when they cut me off, so I fit right in. Traumatic because the giant bug from New England Pest Control gives me nightmares for months after I come home!!!

Q: What is your fondest memory of the Buddy Cianci years?

A: It's a toss up between the corruption and his bad toupee. I always thought they should put him away for how cheesy that toupee looked. It was like a hamster died on his head. I met Buddy once at Andrea's restaurant on the East Side and was shocked to find out he is only 3 feet tall. His police escort would carry him around in a Sherpa bag!

You know, I particularly miss how when I went to pay my "property taxes" in Providence it had to be in cash, in small bills placed in a white envelope behind a dumpster next to city hall.

Q: What is the difference between writing for someone else and writing your own material? Which do you find more satisfying?

A: Writing for someone else involves knowing their voice and what they feel comfortable doing and writing for THAT voice, which often is different than your own voice. In writing my own material I am driven by the point of view I want to get home. Writing for myself is ultimately more satisfying, particularly in the case of Jon Stewart because he can't read so everything has to be spelled phonetically?

Q: Are you part of the writer's strike? And if so, is attending your show a way to stick it to the man?

A: I am supporting the writer's strike and YES, if you come to my show we are telling the man to shove it! In fact, during my show I hold a rally where we bring out the lifeless body of union leader, Jimmy Hoffa--yes I found him, he was behind the Lincoln Mall--and then we drink beer from his skull while chanting "brotherhood forever!"

Q: Why should someone come out and see your show instead of finishing their shopping or spending the season with love ones? And does holding a show this close to Christmas make you a bad person?

A: First, people should be shopping online: who shops in stores anymore? That is so 1999. Second, by shopping you are feeding the corporate beast but by coming to my show you are allowing me to make enough money so my son can get that kidney he so desperately needs, but don't feel OBLIGATED to come! Besides, who wants to spend time with loved ones? Studies have shown that most deaths are caused by interacting with your family...no good ever comes from that.

Regardless, coming to my show DOES make you a bad person, but so what!?! It's bad, but not "Buddy Cianci bad."

Q: In the interest of boosting traffic to RhodyRocks.com, do you have any scandalous comments or confessions you'd like to make? (Honesty isn't really required.)

A: Yes. First, I am actually a woman. Secondly, in 1990, I once put 375 crushed roofies in a Dells Lemonade stand at Scarborough beach and as a result pregnancy rose 800% that year.

Happy Holidays everyone! See you at The Comedy Connection! - Paul