Mecurio Speaks. Be Afraid.

We are pleased, for the first time ever, to break from our traditional format of mindless rambles about cool bars, restaurants and other happenings in the Ocean State, and to bring you an interview with bona-fide Rhode Island celebrity. Amazingly, in our very first time out, we managed to get our subject to confess deep, embarrassing truths, and otherwise be very entertaining. If his show is half as funny as the responses he emailed me below, I might have to wear diapers to the Comedy Connection. So, without further ado, I give you Paul Mecurio.

Q: I heard you grew up in Providence. Is coming back more happy or traumatic?

A: Both. Happy because I can drive like a maniac and give people the finger when they cut me off, so I fit right in. Traumatic because the giant bug from New England Pest Control gives me nightmares for months after I come home!!!

Q: What is your fondest memory of the Buddy Cianci years?

A: It's a toss up between the corruption and his bad toupee. I always thought they should put him away for how cheesy that toupee looked. It was like a hamster died on his head. I met Buddy once at Andrea's restaurant on the East Side and was shocked to find out he is only 3 feet tall. His police escort would carry him around in a Sherpa bag!

You know, I particularly miss how when I went to pay my "property taxes" in Providence it had to be in cash, in small bills placed in a white envelope behind a dumpster next to city hall.

Q: What is the difference between writing for someone else and writing your own material? Which do you find more satisfying?

A: Writing for someone else involves knowing their voice and what they feel comfortable doing and writing for THAT voice, which often is different than your own voice. In writing my own material I am driven by the point of view I want to get home. Writing for myself is ultimately more satisfying, particularly in the case of Jon Stewart because he can't read so everything has to be spelled phonetically?

Q: Are you part of the writer's strike? And if so, is attending your show a way to stick it to the man?

A: I am supporting the writer's strike and YES, if you come to my show we are telling the man to shove it! In fact, during my show I hold a rally where we bring out the lifeless body of union leader, Jimmy Hoffa--yes I found him, he was behind the Lincoln Mall--and then we drink beer from his skull while chanting "brotherhood forever!"

Q: Why should someone come out and see your show instead of finishing their shopping or spending the season with love ones? And does holding a show this close to Christmas make you a bad person?

A: First, people should be shopping online: who shops in stores anymore? That is so 1999. Second, by shopping you are feeding the corporate beast but by coming to my show you are allowing me to make enough money so my son can get that kidney he so desperately needs, but don't feel OBLIGATED to come! Besides, who wants to spend time with loved ones? Studies have shown that most deaths are caused by interacting with your family...no good ever comes from that.

Regardless, coming to my show DOES make you a bad person, but so what!?! It's bad, but not "Buddy Cianci bad."

Q: In the interest of boosting traffic to RhodyRocks.com, do you have any scandalous comments or confessions you'd like to make? (Honesty isn't really required.)

A: Yes. First, I am actually a woman. Secondly, in 1990, I once put 375 crushed roofies in a Dells Lemonade stand at Scarborough beach and as a result pregnancy rose 800% that year.

Happy Holidays everyone! See you at The Comedy Connection! - Paul

See Paul Mecurio, Preferably for Free

If you've done any driving in the past week, you could use a laugh (and probably some type of opiate derivative.) Since posting information on the latter is probably illegal, I will refer you instead to the impending visit Paul Mecurio will be making to our fine state, for a group of shows at the Comedy Connection in East Providence. Shows are from the 21st to the 23rd, and tickets range from $10 to $17.

And for those of you who don't like to pay, Mecurio will be giving away free tickets to his show for the next few days. In fact, the winner becomes an official(ish) sponsor of Paul's Carpooling with Strangers Tour, and gets 4 free tickets and a chance to go backstage after the show.

I haven't seen Mecurio perform live yet, but I've caught bits of his act, and let me just say that he has a joke about the tryptophan in turkey that almost had me spitting up my drink. What's more, he's a writer for the Daily Show, so if the writer's strike has you missing your fix, here's the best way to get it.

Check back in the next few days to see if we can get Mecurio to answer a few questions for us.

Wake up, Downtown!

I understand, despite my relentless boosterism, that Providence is not a big city, and it is going to lack that big city energy, especially on a weekday night. However, I'd like to put the thought out there that Thursday isn't really a weekday, it's sort of a celebrity guest part of the weekend, and should therefore get at least a minimum of respect.

So why, people, when I walk around downtown does it seem like a Tuesday night in Davenport, Iowa? (Disclaimer: for all I know, Tuesdays in Davenport are like a rolling Mardi Gras. The day I go to Davenport is the day I give up any remaining feelings of usefulness and fully embrace the fact that I'm an old fart. Sorry Davenport, but you suck even if you don't suck.) I decided to grab a quick drink just because my wife has abandoned me for the evening and I didn't want to sit in a cold house and think about how much work I have to do. So I took off for downtown, seeing hardly anyone around. Finally I parked near the Episcopal church, thinking that surely XO Cafe would have a few people milling around the bar. But nope, there were two people in the whole place. So on to plan B: I've never been to Olive's, so I thought I'd get a cocktail and check it out. There was one other person in the joint, and I think he might have been on To Catch a Predator a week or two ago. I've never drank gin so fast.

Every day, I go up to Boston for work. And every time someone asks, I say Providence is cooler than Boston, and get roundly laughed at. Now, Providence, if some Boston person comes down here on a Thursday night and sees what I saw, we're going to look bad. So let's pull it together, and tie one on during the week for the sake of our community.

That said, I am too disgusted to write a full Weekend Agenda. If anyone's reading and has some good plans, send me a note at dan (at symbol) rhodyrocks.com. But if I was going to advise you to do anything, other than frequent your local watering hole, it would be to check out Friday Night Live on the Carriage House Stage at 7 Duncan Ave. in Providence. It's Friday, 7:00, and is only $5. How can you go wrong? I even gave you a map.

No excuses. Make me proud, Providence.


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